Author: kimroppefarley

Mother’s Day kicked off Food Allergy Awareness Week (May 12, 2019-May 18, 2019) and it is also the third anniversary of when my family entered the food allergy world.

I’m going to assume many of you have some sort of photo app that sends you alerts with the pictures you took in previous years. Every day I get an alert that says something like This Day on May 13 and up pops all the May 13^th pics from the past few years. Usually getting that notification is one of my favorite parts of the day. Especially when there is a video and I can hear Marshall and Manning’s little baby noises and voices that are ever changing. Well, this weekend I got the pictures shown above. This is Marshall a few hours after his anaphylactic reaction to peanut at 15-months old.

I’m not going to rehash the events leading up to these pictures, as you can check out my first blog post Now This is a Story if you haven’t done so yet. Let me tell you though, coming off that Mother’s Day weekend into a terrifying event, I was certainly questioning my ability to be a mom. I was absolutely lost.

When I look at those pictures now, I still don’t want to believe that a peanut has that kind of power. That any food has that power. It’s such a weird, messed up concept to grasp. Food should not have the power to do harm. But it does. And it really fucking sucks. And food allergies is a topic that needs attention, research, understanding, empathy and awareness. Plain and simple.

Because it is something without a solid management plan, I question myself constantly if I am doing what is right regarding my kids’ allergies. Am I too conservative with what I feed them? Am I too lenient? Am I the stereotypical helicopter mom I said I would never be? Am I educating them enough to keep them safe without creating anxiety and fear? Am I sending them to the school I feel they will be most safe? Am I communicating their needs properly? Will I hesitate if I need to use the Epi? Will I sacrifice what I feel is right in an effort not to inconvenience others? All the never-ending questions…

These worries and wonders used to go through my head literally almost 24/7. I was obsessed and scared and couldn’t escape it. It wreaked havoc on my mental and physical health. The fear and worry was crippling some days. The worries are still there, don’t get me wrong, but I am trying to stop questioning myself so frequently and instead confidently own this reality. Like any other mom, I just try to keep my kids safe and happy the best I know how. And I’m trying not to apologize for being an inconvenience or a burden because that’s what I feel like a lot of the time.

So, while I prefer my kids don’t repeat a lot of what 2Pac says, I hope this will ring true:

When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there’s no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act crazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me*

In closing out Mother’s Day this year…

Dear Fellow Food Allergy Mamas,

I feel your fears. I feel your frustrations.

I see your kids as more than The Food Allergy Kid. I see all you did in preparation to simply experience life events such as going to a movie theater, a playground or traveling on an airplane. I see your need for inclusivity. I see you spending more on wet wipes in your lifetime than you ever thought possible.

I understand why you avoid situations and environments that are too risky. I understand the anxiety around food focused gatherings and celebrations, which, let’s face it, are basically all the gatherings and celebrations. I understand the guilt you feel like you did something to cause this. I understand the feeling of wanting to slap the person in the grocery line next to you buying the jar of peanut butter that you can’t. Or maybe that’s just me on a bad day.

And just remember, because of this your children are likely becoming more accepting and understanding of others. Because of this you can appreciate things in life many take for granted. Because of this you are more aware of the food you are putting into your and your children’s bodies. Because of this, you will get the chance to see some people’s true colors.

You’re doing great mama. You got this. I got this. We got this.

*I own no rights to the lyrics or music or anything to 2Pac’s Dear Mama. I just frequently listen to him and other 90’s and early 2000’s rappers because it is the best genre of music. Hands down.

Well, hey there! It’s been a minute, but life has happened the last couple of months. However, you are about to be blessed with a few rapid-fire blog posts.  Why? Because Food Allergy Awareness Week is upon us. Here’s a few links if you want to read a little bit more about it:

https://www.foodallergy.org/take-action/food-allergy-awareness-week

https://www.kidswithfoodallergies.org/page/food-allergy-awareness-week-month.aspx

https://www.foodallergyawareness.org/education/food-allergy-awareness-initiatives/food-allergy-awareness-week-month/

So, from May 12-May 18, 2019 I am going to put out multiple posts in hopes to contribute to the awareness that is desperately needed. And since you have a couple of weeks before I hit you all up, this would be a great time to catch up on my story on how I entered the food allergy world along with the other posts I’ve written. And I want to remind my lovely readers of a few things…

I am not an expert. I am a mom of two kids with severe peanut allergies. I’ve seen an anaphylactic reaction. It was terrifying. And I live with the reality that food has the power to kill my children. So, nope, not an expert on paper or by education or profession, but I live this life every day.

The purpose of my blog is not to be purely informational. As in, I’m not posting literature from peer reviewed articles or flooding my posts with statistics. I might throw a random stat or number in there once in a while, but that is not the purpose here.

So, what is the purpose?

When looking up information about food allergies what I found were a combination treatment studies, cooking with food allergies, traveling with food allergies, food allergy safety and statistics. A bunch of absolutely wonderful and necessary information, but what I really had a hard time finding was the daily navigation of everyday life. And not presented in a purely factual way.

I want to put real life situations out there to try and provide support to those going through it and hopefully help invoke an “aha moment” to those who don’t quite know how to relate. The concept of food having such a power is so foreign and difficult to grasp for most people so I am doing my best to try and get people to get it. And I will likely use sarcasm and craziness along the way.

So welcome, if you are new to my page and thanks for sticking around if you’ve been here from the start.

I won’t even tell you how much I still owe in student loans. It rivals the amount we owe for our home. A soul-crushing six figure amount that basically says Hey Kim, have fun not retiring in a timely manner. Or maybe even ever. Muahahahaha! Ugh, you bitch.

So what is the only logical thing to do? Embark on a kitchen remodel. And what is an even better idea? Embark on one as the holidays wrap up and when I had a strict time frame including an end-of-January-birthday-party for my 4-year-old to host. Good stuff right there. My timing is awesome. Zoloft* take me away.

Needless to say, this past month has been pretty hectic, although I always kept my eye on the prize. We bought our home about three years ago knowing that we were going to have some upgrades to do in the near future. The house was built in the late ‘80s and we also have an unfinished basement. We thought the basement was going to be our first big project to knock off the list, but that changed. Want to know why? Food allergies.

So, now I cook. A lot. And I usually enjoy it. But I was getting to the point where I wasn’t enjoying it anymore because cooking in an outdated and inconveniently designed kitchen was finally wearing on me. Ok, first world problems a little bit here, but I spend a lot of time in the kitchen and I want to be comfortable in it. Not annoyed by it. I know Robb was a little bit disappointed that the basement bar had to pushed back, but ultimately homemade ice cream, lasagna, soups and steaks were victorious.

Prior to food allergies our meals involved take out somewhat frequently. Never a large amount, but usually once a week to give me a break from the planning, prepping, and cooking process. Now that number is close to zero. I deserve this and we’ll call this good debt if there is such a thing.

For most people picking up take out for dinner is a way to make things easier or for when you are in a hurry. Fast food always tastes better in the car. But when food allergies are involved it can actually make having a quick meal much harder and more stressful than to just cook something. There’s researching what restaurants you trust. Having the conversation with the restaurant staff member and decide then if you ultimately trust it in the moment. On more than one occasion one of us has walked in to a fast food restaurant or to get a to-go pizza or some sort of take out and then walked right out empty handed because the current atmosphere just didn’t feel safe. Maybe the restaurant was busy or even chaotic. Maybe the worker looked at you like a deer in headlights when you mentioned a food allergy. Maybe you were told point blank that they couldn’t—or wouldn’t—accommodate to make sure your meal was free of your allergen. Lots of factors.

So, being I was without a kitchen for about 2 ½ weeks how do you feed your family when take-out options are drastically limited? You prep like crazy and you set up a makeshift kitchen in your den. (Now if you don’t already follow me on Instagram go do it. I will post before and after pics on Monday in addition to my temporary kitchen environment and some of the other middle-of-the-road updates).

Here are 6 random tips for anyone (allergies or not) who takes the kitchen remodel plunge:

1. Screw the environment. For this short (and it will not seem short while you are in the throes of it) period of time you will want the least about of dishes as possible. Remember you will have no kitchen sink and you will never realize how much you use your kitchen sink until this happens. The dishes you will need to do will have to be done in the bathroom or laundry room. And it sucks. We used paper plates, plastic (gulp) silverware and cups, and Styrofoam (double gulp) coffee cups. So yes, I felt guilty, but my sanity was far more important during this time.
2. Food prep freezer meals like your about to take up residence in a bunker. If you are already a food-prepper this step isn’t so bad, but if planning and prepping ain’t your thing, then good luck to ya. You need to plan and prep your plan and prep time. Things like lasagna, enchiladas, soups, meatloaf…anything that can freeze well. Freeze meals in disposable foil pans and containers. Again, minimize those dishes. My makeshift kitchen included a convection oven (my savior), a single burner, toaster, and slow cooker. I used the slow cooker zero, the burner twice, but the toaster and convection oven I used a ton. If your regular appliances are getting hauled away you’re especially gonna need these things. If you don’t have a spare fridge or freezer then cross your fingers that you are doing the remodel in Minnesota during the polar vortex and you can toss your stuff in a cooler outside. And I haven’t joined the Instant Pot** craze, so I can’t give input there, but guessing this may be a great option, too.
3. You’re not moving, but you’ll need moving boxes. You will be amazed at how much stuff you have in your cabinets. I filled one box with the stuff I needed and the rest went in boxes in the basement. If you need inspiration watch some Marie Kondo*** and get rid of stuff now before the process starts. You’ll thank yourself later. I wish I had watched that show about 2 weeks earlier. And yes, my new kitchen does spark joy.
4. Plan some activities or pick up a hobby. Your house is going to be torn up and it will drive you a bit nuts. Get out if you can. Or have a safe room in your home where you don’t have to look at the madness. My “hobby” was coloring in books with swear words and that served double duty. Venting in a beautiful and artistic way. Winning.
5. Prepare for the unknown. When I told people we were starting the process and that it was supposed to take about two weeks everyone gave me a chuckle and said to take whatever time the contractor told us and basically double it. Well, maybe we just got lucky, but we stayed right on schedule. There were a couple of things that popped up, like when I realized last minute that I needed to run to the store to pick out my light fixtures the night before the electrician was coming, but that was my own fault for spacing out that detail. I did leave myself enough free time to address these unknowns and I am thankful I did.
6. Remember you and your family are in it together. It is an inconvenient process and you will get pretty frustrated at times when you have to clean the pizza cutter in the sink again, but remember everyone else is there for the ride right along with ya. Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel and find ways to relax during the process.

It’ll all be over soon, I promise! Ours was done the day before the birthday party and apparently I work well under pressure as I got all party prepping done in time. And I celebrated with a few heavily poured cocktails.

*I’m assuming this brand name is trademarked and I have no rights to it

**I’m also assuming this brand is trademarked and I have no rights to it

**I also have no rights nor am I getting paid to mention this show        

People watching is one of the best and cheapest forms of entertainment ever. Well, unless you are people watching at the Minnesota State Fair. Then it is an extremely expensive form of people watching, but I guess you do get what you pay for. For some reason fanny packs, socks with sandals, and drunk people never get old.

I have always paid attention to detail. Or I should say that I have always paid attention to the details I consciously and subconsciously found relevant. Let me explain.

Think about what you notice when you walk into a room. Is it how many people are in the room? What the people are wearing? The color of the walls? The size of the room? How many windows? How hot or cold it is? The volume of the tv, or music, or conversation? What grabs your attention and what matters to you?

I would safely bet that if you throw a handful of people into the same environment that is new to each of them, each one of them would explain the same environment differently with focus on different details. And when food allergies barreled into my world, the details I notice in every single situation I encounter are quite different than they were for the first 36 years of my life.

Let’s take the trip to the grocery store I made a few weeks ago. Now, to preface, I have a handful of grocery stores close to my home and I rotate between them all. No, this is not the wild way I incorporate change and spontaneity* into my life, but rather out of necessity. When the food you purchase is about safety first you learn very quickly that in order to purchase the products you need there is no place that has it all. Aldi, Whole Foods, Target, Hyvee, Cub, Lunds, Costco, and Coborns (and more) each carry certain things that can’t be found at the others. I have learned to stock up on the stuff I can so I am not going to ten different places each week. The result is my cabinets looking like an episode out of those super couponing shows.

One of these stores has a ginormous open bin of peanuts in the produce section. My family’s kryptonite right in the middle of our nutrition. I am going to assume most people would just think, ummm, just don’t touch the peanuts genius. Or just don’t go to this store. And trust me, I only go to this store and others with the same set up the least amount of times possible and without my kids. Here’s only a few situations what I’ve noticed at this particular store…

Peanut shells on the milk cart. I picked up a gallon and right underneath it was a crushed shells. If I would have not noticed I very easily could have grabbed it, purchased it, and put it on my counter where I prep my kids’ food. (This particular experience is why I wipe my counter off a disturbingly large amount).

Peanut shells masked within the jarred pickles. I pulled a jar and right behind it was a pile of peanut shells. Gross. So I put that jar back and grabbed one a couple spots down.

A customer who bagged up a scoopful of peanuts and plopped it onto the belt behind me only to have a hole in the bag leaking out a few of the peanuts. Now the belt is contaminated for those behind her.

My favorite though was watching a culprit in action. When I went a few weeks ago a random middle aged dude wearing a hooded sweatshirt stuffed a large amount of peanuts from the bin into his front pouch. Mr. Peanut Pocket proceeded to eat them one by one out of said pouch while walking through the store. I did the thing where I passed him up and down for a few aisles until I decided to skip one so I didn’t have to experience the annoyance and anxiety anymore. What I did notice about this thief, however, was that he was holding the accumulating empty shells in his hand. I’m not sure if he was just looking for the perfect spot to mask his crime or if he is a clean thief and was waiting for a garbage unlike the pickle schmuck.

Then, yesterday, I was thankful when my 3-year-old chose to ride in the cart at Target rather than walk alongside it. No, not because the store was packed full of Christmas clearance shoppers and I was afraid he would run off and get lost in the mix, but because for months now there has been a table there set up near the check out lines full of pretzel samples that are unsafe for him to eat. That those pretzels have a warning on it stating they may contain peanuts. That the table is down low enough for him to grab them. That even though we spoke in the car about him not grabbing food if he sees any, that he is only three years old, loves pretzels and might forget about that conversation when he sees something that we have a safe version of in our home. Because he chose to ride in the cart I didn’t have to worry about him running up to that table, grabbing those pretzels and shoving one in his mouth possibly ending in a jab from an epi and a trip to the ER.

So, what do you see when you walk into a store? Into a holiday party? At a baseball game? At a playground? I see food wrappers in carts. I see the peanut butter blossoms on the tray before any other Christmas cookie. I see fans throwing their peanut shells on the ground while watching the game. I see kids eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as they are playing on the equipment.

So what do I do? I throw away the wrappers (aka someone else’s garbage) and wipe down the cart. I ask the host to put the tray of cookies somewhere out of reach and then have a mild anxiety attack while following my kids around like a major helicopter mom (since he can’t eat any of the cookies since they were meshed with the peanut butter ones). I look up the dates they offer peanut-free games or sections and only consider attending a game on those dates. I ask the kid’s parent if they wouldn’t mind having their kid eat at the designated food area that they should be so they don’t contaminate the entire park and just wait to see if said parent is understanding or if they lose their shit on me.

I miss being ignorant to the seriousness of food allergies. I miss not needing to pay attention to details like these. I miss how easy simple errands and activities used to be. I miss not having anxiety. I miss focusing on someone’s wolf t-shirt and carpenter jean shorts rather than their deep fried Snickers and where it is going to end up. And I miss seeing a random guy shoving peanuts in his mouth at the grocery store and only thinking about how gross it is that he shoved his possibly unwashed poop hands into a bin that other people are purchasing from. Ahh, it was a simpler time.

*You don’t want to know how many times I attempted to spell ‘spontaneity’ until it finally gave me an option in spellcheck. I attempted twice here before I scrolled up.