How Rude!

If a peanut can kill you, maybe you should let it.

It’s survival of the fittest. Let it play out.

I’m not dealing with those kids’ allergies, so don’t invite them to the party.

Don’t be friends with kids with food allergies, they are such a pain.

They are exaggerating, food can’t actually kill anyone.

These phrases are just a very, very small drop in the bucket of the negative comments made towards kids with food allergies. And these examples were said by adults. Yeah. By adults. What in the crap is wrong with people?

See that pic up there? Those are my sweet, hilarious, intelligent, caring, empathetic, active, athletic, musical, strong, stubborn children who happen to have life-threatening allergies to peanuts. And some adults apparently have the opinion that since a peanut can take them out, then they deserve for it to happen. My kids are nuisances and inconveniences, so forget them. Not worthy of inclusion. They are disposable. Insert super-duper sarcastic-annoyed-eye-roll emoji here.

Whenever I read or hear these types of comments the first thing I want to do is blow up and retaliate with hurtful and degrading expletives tearing the person down to the point where they would crawl in the corner into the fetal position begging for mercy. But I don’t.

I remind myself this frustration and unsettling rage—that quite possibly might need a little further looking into—is an immediate, instinctive, protective reaction that will soon dissipate once I pour myself a glass of wine and listen to FourFiveSeconds on repeat for a bit. Breathe in, breathe out…

Slowly that anger reaction transitions to more of a how rude a la Stephanie Tanner* mindset, and just reinforces the need to continue to bring awareness and understanding of food allergies to the forefront. I try and remember that people can be scared, confused, inconsiderate, and brush off what they don’t understand and what doesn’t directly affect them on the daily.

Recently there was a local radio morning show that made some jokes about food allergies. The three radio personalities were playing a version of Family Feud and the category was Name Something Other Than Candy That is Given Out at Halloween. And here’s how it went down…

They were struggling to come up with answers and once the answers were read the reaction was:

KR: “Dumb, dumb….unless you have a teal pumpkin out.”

Unknown: sigh….

DR: “What’s a Teal Pumpkin?”

KR: “That’s for allergy friendly things…” (The tone was perceived by many as condescending)

Partially inaudible between SL and KR: “We got one, yeah we do too” (I hope this is true, but again, the tone used seemed to be the eye-roll type of annoyance that irked many already)

DR: “Sorry, you got an allergy…go on to the next house…”

KR: “You have a sign…Peanut Allergies Not Welcome…”

DR: “I’m scattering peanut shells across my sidewalk…”

A few other comments were made in the mix and then laughter erupts as this is clearly such a witty, hilarious joke about—at best—excluding and making fun of kids, and—at worst—about potentially harming or killing them.

And now, cue the food-allergy-mama-bears and the immediate, innate reaction I spoke of earlier. This “joke” did not sit well as these types of comments and jokes are sadly common and remind us of how uneducated so many people are on the subject and how so many don’t take life-threatening food allergies seriously.

It sparked a heated thread in a local online food allergy support group. Some members reached out to the radio station and it resulted in one member going on the following day to address the frustration. I have mixed feelings about how it played out, but one thing that kept being asked by the hosts was how to turn this into a positive.  So here’s my opinion about turning this negative into a positive:

Understand when you are making these “jokes,” you are making jokes about children. Children who already feel different and experience exclusion and bullying because of their allergy. Forms of bullying like getting their allergens thrown at them or rubbed on them resulting in hospital stays and even death. You’re an adult. Let adults be your punchlines to your jokes. And set an example to your children that it’s not ok to make fun of children who have disabilities. (Yes, food allergies are considered a disability under the ADA**)

Now, I’m a big girl. I get that—especially with the trendy gluten-free lifestyle that gets constantly mocked—this topic will be the butt of jokes. If I were at a comedy show with an adult audience and something about food allergies came up, I’m going to think the comedian is uneducated on the subject and potentially a douche, but I’m not going to get worked up about it. It only reinforces my opinion on the need for more food allergy awareness. I understand that’s what comedians do. They take risks and push limits knowing not everyone is going to agree or appreciate their humor. But kids are off limits especially in a forum where kids are likely listening to an adult speak about them in a negative and bullying manner.

Don’t mock a movement that is aimed at inclusion of children like the Teal Pumpkin Project. Read my previous blog entry Glow Sticks for Days to get some more information about why this is so important.

Kids aren’t defined by their allergy. Never refer to them as “the allergy kid”. Would you call someone “the wheelchair kid” or “the cancer kid”? I hope not. If you said yes, you need to reevaluate some things in your life.

Include kids with allergies and participate in providing safe environments for them. Don’t dismiss them because it can be a few extra steps. Think about how crappy it sounds if you tell your child—who has a good friend with food allergies—that their friend is not allowed to their birthday party because you’re not willing to try to attempt to make it safe for them. More and more kids are being diagnosed with food allergies so there is a good chance this situation will happen, especially if you have young children.

The parent(s) will likely be extremely willing to talk to you about what can be done. And they aren’t typically unreasonable. They will not expect you to throw out all your peanut products or sign an oath to never eat an egg again. Don’t worry, you don’t need to learn the secret handshake. But they may ask you to wipe down counter tops, have the kids wash their hands and mouths after they eat, send them pictures of the labels of the products you are using or ask about what you are serving so they can bring their own safe food that is as close to the menu you are providing so their child can feel a part of the group. You don’t need to do all the heavy lifting. You just need to be the support brace so the parent can handle the big stuff.

Don’t be gross. Pick up after yourself in public. Do you know how many times I go to a grocery store and there is a cart with wrappers or other garbage in it? Every. Single. Time. That’s gross and lazy in general, but it’s dangerous to those with allergies. Food allergy parents always wipe down carts before they put their kids in it, but I shouldn’t have to toss your trash away, too, Oscar.

So hopefully what is taken from this post is that kids with food allergies are kids. They have to have a pretty thick skin already and they don’t deserve to be the butt of adult jokes. Do better.

*I do not own any rights to the sitcom Full House or the character Stephanie Tanner

**ADA stands for The Americans with Disabilities Act