Month: October 2018

If a peanut can kill you, maybe you should let it.

It’s survival of the fittest. Let it play out.

I’m not dealing with those kids’ allergies, so don’t invite them to the party.

Don’t be friends with kids with food allergies, they are such a pain.

They are exaggerating, food can’t actually kill anyone.

These phrases are just a very, very small drop in the bucket of the negative comments made towards kids with food allergies. And these examples were said by adults. Yeah. By adults. What in the crap is wrong with people?

See that pic up there? Those are my sweet, hilarious, intelligent, caring, empathetic, active, athletic, musical, strong, stubborn children who happen to have life-threatening allergies to peanuts. And some adults apparently have the opinion that since a peanut can take them out, then they deserve for it to happen. My kids are nuisances and inconveniences, so forget them. Not worthy of inclusion. They are disposable. Insert super-duper sarcastic-annoyed-eye-roll emoji here.

Whenever I read or hear these types of comments the first thing I want to do is blow up and retaliate with hurtful and degrading expletives tearing the person down to the point where they would crawl in the corner into the fetal position begging for mercy. But I don’t.

I remind myself this frustration and unsettling rage—that quite possibly might need a little further looking into—is an immediate, instinctive, protective reaction that will soon dissipate once I pour myself a glass of wine and listen to FourFiveSeconds on repeat for a bit. Breathe in, breathe out…

Slowly that anger reaction transitions to more of a how rude a la Stephanie Tanner* mindset, and just reinforces the need to continue to bring awareness and understanding of food allergies to the forefront. I try and remember that people can be scared, confused, inconsiderate, and brush off what they don’t understand and what doesn’t directly affect them on the daily.

Recently there was a local radio morning show that made some jokes about food allergies. The three radio personalities were playing a version of Family Feud and the category was Name Something Other Than Candy That is Given Out at Halloween. And here’s how it went down…

They were struggling to come up with answers and once the answers were read the reaction was:

KR: “Dumb, dumb….unless you have a teal pumpkin out.”

Unknown: sigh….

DR: “What’s a Teal Pumpkin?”

KR: “That’s for allergy friendly things…” (The tone was perceived by many as condescending)

Partially inaudible between SL and KR: “We got one, yeah we do too” (I hope this is true, but again, the tone used seemed to be the eye-roll type of annoyance that irked many already)

DR: “Sorry, you got an allergy…go on to the next house…”

KR: “You have a sign…Peanut Allergies Not Welcome…”

DR: “I’m scattering peanut shells across my sidewalk…”

A few other comments were made in the mix and then laughter erupts as this is clearly such a witty, hilarious joke about—at best—excluding and making fun of kids, and—at worst—about potentially harming or killing them.

And now, cue the food-allergy-mama-bears and the immediate, innate reaction I spoke of earlier. This “joke” did not sit well as these types of comments and jokes are sadly common and remind us of how uneducated so many people are on the subject and how so many don’t take life-threatening food allergies seriously.

It sparked a heated thread in a local online food allergy support group. Some members reached out to the radio station and it resulted in one member going on the following day to address the frustration. I have mixed feelings about how it played out, but one thing that kept being asked by the hosts was how to turn this into a positive.  So here’s my opinion about turning this negative into a positive:

Understand when you are making these “jokes,” you are making jokes about children. Children who already feel different and experience exclusion and bullying because of their allergy. Forms of bullying like getting their allergens thrown at them or rubbed on them resulting in hospital stays and even death. You’re an adult. Let adults be your punchlines to your jokes. And set an example to your children that it’s not ok to make fun of children who have disabilities. (Yes, food allergies are considered a disability under the ADA**)

Now, I’m a big girl. I get that—especially with the trendy gluten-free lifestyle that gets constantly mocked—this topic will be the butt of jokes. If I were at a comedy show with an adult audience and something about food allergies came up, I’m going to think the comedian is uneducated on the subject and potentially a douche, but I’m not going to get worked up about it. It only reinforces my opinion on the need for more food allergy awareness. I understand that’s what comedians do. They take risks and push limits knowing not everyone is going to agree or appreciate their humor. But kids are off limits especially in a forum where kids are likely listening to an adult speak about them in a negative and bullying manner.

Don’t mock a movement that is aimed at inclusion of children like the Teal Pumpkin Project. Read my previous blog entry Glow Sticks for Days to get some more information about why this is so important.

Kids aren’t defined by their allergy. Never refer to them as “the allergy kid”. Would you call someone “the wheelchair kid” or “the cancer kid”? I hope not. If you said yes, you need to reevaluate some things in your life.

Include kids with allergies and participate in providing safe environments for them. Don’t dismiss them because it can be a few extra steps. Think about how crappy it sounds if you tell your child—who has a good friend with food allergies—that their friend is not allowed to their birthday party because you’re not willing to try to attempt to make it safe for them. More and more kids are being diagnosed with food allergies so there is a good chance this situation will happen, especially if you have young children.

The parent(s) will likely be extremely willing to talk to you about what can be done. And they aren’t typically unreasonable. They will not expect you to throw out all your peanut products or sign an oath to never eat an egg again. Don’t worry, you don’t need to learn the secret handshake. But they may ask you to wipe down counter tops, have the kids wash their hands and mouths after they eat, send them pictures of the labels of the products you are using or ask about what you are serving so they can bring their own safe food that is as close to the menu you are providing so their child can feel a part of the group. You don’t need to do all the heavy lifting. You just need to be the support brace so the parent can handle the big stuff.

Don’t be gross. Pick up after yourself in public. Do you know how many times I go to a grocery store and there is a cart with wrappers or other garbage in it? Every. Single. Time. That’s gross and lazy in general, but it’s dangerous to those with allergies. Food allergy parents always wipe down carts before they put their kids in it, but I shouldn’t have to toss your trash away, too, Oscar.

So hopefully what is taken from this post is that kids with food allergies are kids. They have to have a pretty thick skin already and they don’t deserve to be the butt of adult jokes. Do better.

*I do not own any rights to the sitcom Full House or the character Stephanie Tanner

**ADA stands for The Americans with Disabilities Act

That time of year is upon us again. We’ve retired our sunscreen and swimsuit cover ups for hydrating lip balm and hoodies. All things pumpkin spice have invaded every aspect of our lives and one of the best things about fall—football—has started to consume our Sundays. And likely Thursday and Monday nights if obsessing over fantasy football is your thing.

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. I’m in Minnesota and while Minnesota summers are hard to beat (hello #lakelife), fall has always just kind of been my fave. Yes, the season does have some negative aspects, like reminding us that we’re one step closer to booger-freezing temperatures with streets and sidewalks that can double as ice rinks. However, hoodies, hot cocoa, and Halloween for the win.

I remember as a kid, Halloween was something I always looked forward to just like many kids do. When my brother and I were really young, our mom would get us in our costumes and drive us around to family members’ homes to show off how incredibly cute we were. During that mission we got a few treats, posed for some pics and that was that. Then we turned into big kids and started trekking through the neighborhood with our friends on one simple mission.

Cue the candy competition.

It was time for each of us to hit up as many houses as possible, load up our pillowcases with as much candy as we could carry, and make our way home to dump out the contents onto the living room floor, and then…trade-sies. And if you are Type A like me, you separated them into piles by candy type and the trades you made were quite strategic.  No way was I getting scammed for your garbage candy, bro.

Now I was trick-or-treating in the ‘80s and slightly into the ‘90s. (Yep, I certainly hiked through the 1991 Halloween Blizzard that Minnesota people still talk about every single year. Google it.) The mission was all about knowing what households passed out the best candy—major bonus points for full-size candy bars—and which ones dumped pennies or toothpaste in your bag.  Side note, the households that gave out cans of pop (that’s right…”pop”) were on a total other level of awesomeness.

But guess what?  Times, they have-a-changed. While I’m positive food allergies did exist in the world during my trick-or-treating days, I’m also positive I didn’t personally know anyone who suffered. Food allergies are on the rise at an alarming rate and it is often referred to as an epidemic* so we need to make adjustments.

What should be a fun experience every year can instead be stress-inducing, excluding, and downright dangerous. It is our responsibility as empathetic, compassionate, and understanding adults to do what is in our ability to ensure that we can offer the chance for all kids to get excited about Halloween. Especially because what we can do is something so simple.

FARE’s (Food Allergy Research & Education) Teal Pumpkin Project® is something I encourage everyone to participate in**. You can get all the wonderful info at www.tealpumpkinproject.org, but the gist is that you have non-food treats available for kids with food allergies.  Or for kids with dietary restrictions.  Or for kids with feeding tubes.  Or for kids with other health issues.  Or for kids who simply like something different than a candy bar or lollipop.

Now I get it, candy is tradition. I am not, nor is this campaign, asking you to stop passing out candy if that is a tradition you chose to uphold. Our family does both. We consciously choose to pass out candy that’s free from as many of the top 8 common allergens as we can find.

I find one of the biggest misconceptions about Teal Pumpkin Project® is that it is about providing peanut/nut free candy. That’s not it. Although peanuts may be one of the allergens that gets the most attention, there are so many other common (and not as common) allergens. That’s why it is about offering non-food treats. We keep the candy in one bowl and the non-food treats in another.

This will be our third year participating in the project and surprisingly so many of the kids have been excited about the non-food treats. I’ll admit I was skeptical at first because, you know, change and all. And, you know, candy. Also, we let the kids who want both candy and the non-food treat to take both so the non-food stuff doesn’t feel like a consolation prize or something.

So, let me leave you with a couple of tips from my own experiences thus far….

1. Check out the website www.tealpumpkinproject.org for more info. It includes free print offs to show that you participate in the Teal Pumpkin Project® and can answer all the questions you might have.
2. I’ve noticed that teal has made its way into fall décor the past few years. You can probably really do it up if you want.  For our porch pumpkin I bought a plain bright teal plastic pumpkin from a crafting store and some stick-on letters to write out Teal Pumpkin Project®.
3. Keep the bag(s) the candy came in and have them handy. Some people are more diligent and thorough than others, so while they might assume a candy you have is safe, the label can be helpful in making that determination. Don’t roll your eyes if someone asks if you have the bag/label.
4. Stuff that glows is always a hit. You can check out your local dollar-type stores for a bunch of options. This stuff doesn’t break the bank.  I actually spend a lot less on these items than I do candy. And being that kids trick or treat in the dark the glow sticks can help with safety. Double whammy.
5. Know that if you participate you are appreciated beyond words by the families out there that deal with these allergies on the daily. One, for providing a safe item so their kid can feel included and two, for raising awareness. Everyone who comes to your door sees that teal pumpkin and maybe that will prompt a discussion among their family to participate next year if they aren’t already doing so.  And a bonus…if you have leftover non-food stuff you can use it again next year. There’s a money saving tip for ya!

Happy Halloween!

*The words “alarming” and “epidemic” are not my words.  These are what I see frequently used in the description of food allergies from reputable sources.

**The pic above is how I set it up each year. The print off with the info is from http://www.tealpumpkinproject.org.  There are a few different ones to choose from

My last post left you hanging a little bit. If you haven’t read the post titled, Now This is A Story All About How, go check it out. Go on, I’ll wait…

Ok, cool. Now I’m sure some of you chose not to read it so here is what you missed:

A peanut butter cookie almost killed one of my children when he was 15-months-old. It was terrifying. I described the event in detail. It altered how we approach pretty much everything in our daily lives. I referenced The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song a few times and I’m hoping at least a few people got the references. 

Now if that wrap up didn’t convince you to read the post then I don’t know what will.  But now that you’re to this point, here we go…

I was eight months pregnant with Manning when Marshall, at 15-months-old, had his anaphylactic reaction to peanuts. I am still amazed it didn’t put me into labor that night.  After a couple of days went by, I found a few online support groups for moms who have kids with food allergies. I found one national group that was my go-to for information.  Sweet, I thought, I can get educated about this whole allergy thing, see how ‘normal’ it is, and learn tips on how to keep him safe. If only it was that simple. Within a couple of days all hell broke loose (hang on, I’ll get to this part soon).

So, at this point the traumatic experience of Marshall’s reaction was still extremely fresh. There’s something about watching your terrified, suffering, screaming baby get stripped naked and hooked up to IVs that kinda sorta sticks with ya. I immediately started educating myself about food allergies and discovered what a huge difference there is between a food allergy and food intolerance/sensitivities. Truth—there is a big difference. Big. Huge.

I was scared. I was mad. I was so, so, so mad at the world. It took every ounce in me not to lose it on someone who would tell me they understood exactly what I was going through because they were lactose intolerant or something similar. I was frustrated and annoyed with these people who were only trying to relate somehow unknowingly making the situation much, much worse.

It was like, Big whoop Brenda. You’ll drink some milk, have a tummy ache, and risk crapping your pants.  My. Kid. Could. Die. Yeah, like stop breathing, go into cardiac arrest, you know, death*.

These first days after the reaction were so overwhelming, but I knew I needed to educate myself. I kept obsessively researching food allergy information online and would scroll through the support group discussions constantly. Acronyms and abbreviations such as PN/TN and ANA** were used in these groups constantly and the term comfort level*** was all over posts when people were asking about safe food options.

I wanted to understand and for everything to just make sense. No, I needed everything to make sense. I needed it to make sense so badly because my baby could have died and I needed to protect him. But much of what I was reading felt like interpreting a foreign language I never knew existed. I didn’t know anyone personally I could reach out to for help with this. I felt alone in a world where food could harm my child.  I knew I didn’t get it in the moment, but tried to convince myself over and over I would get it soon. Hopefully… Eventually…

But then, just when I thought I experienced the worst of this new normal the next day came and it was basically mass hysteria in some of the food allergy groups. Complete chaos because a wheat milling company we’ll refer to as Big Wheat, had just issued a recall of their flour due to peanut contamination. Now Big Wheat isn’t a brand of flour any of us buy at the grocery store.  It is a company that supplies flour other food companies. And the problem here? Some law(s) prohibit the Food and Drug Administration from releasing certain information about food supply chains. Something about commercial confidentiality or some other BS. Instead, consumers had to contact Big Wheat directly to attempt to see if they could get any straight forward information about who they supply their flour to. The FDA wouldn’t—or couldn’t—disclose the companies Big Wheat sourced their flour to.

So, what does that mean?  It means bread, buns, crackers, cereal, breakfast bars, tortillas, cookies, bagels, donuts, chips etc…basically anything with wheat could be contaminated with peanuts. Anything.

Everything was suspect. Food that was deemed safe was now potentially deadly because the very first step in the supply chain had been, well, poisoned.

The even bigger issue that created such hysteria among the food allergy community was that Big Wheat did not name the companies they sourced their flour to. These companies now had to look into if they used this contaminated flour, what products it was used in and then needed to test those products, then issue recalls, etc…..

Are you still with me? Ok, good I hope…

At this point, in an attempt to confirm safe foods, some support groups were filled with members posting constantly about what companies they talked to and if that company would confirm if they sourced from Big Wheat or not. Newsflash—some wouldn’t.

Members were also posting about every single potential reaction people were experiencing—such as a random red mark on the skin or itchy throat—because feeding our children felt like an unavoidable game of Russian Roulette.  There was nothing but a constant vibe of fear and paranoia. We all went to the worst scenario possible. There were so many different threads going on that there was little to no organization of information. Some members and group admins certainly tried to calm the storm, but the fear and sense of urgency seemed to overshadow everything else. Especially for this newbie.

Many tossed all processed food away and severely limited what their family would eat during this time.  Many blacklisted certain companies at this point because of their lack of transparency.  This was all happening as I was trying to learn what my new normal would be, but I couldn’t. There was nothing normal on any level with what was happening. I didn’t have anything or anyone solid and calm to try and lean on or learn from at this point. I was treading water, but drowning was imminent as I couldn’t find a life jacket. What I did have, though, was a baby that I was afraid I was going to kill with food.  With f***ing food. And then I gave birth to another baby in the middle of this all.

This chaos lasted for months. Months. This is what I was thrust into. This is how I entered the food allergy world. Mass fear of food.  Mass distrust of companies. A type of anxiety I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing.

I would stare at Marshall every time he ate anything.  Just like many others, every red mark I thought was the start of another reaction.  Every cough I thought his throat was closing. I would look at his body/skin each time before he ate so I knew if anything new popped up during a snack or meal. Anywhere we went I pictured everything covered in peanut butter. No joke, I would look at people and imagined them dressed up like Mr. Peanut. It was like I was taunting myself. It sounds ridiculous, I know, however, we were thrust into this world at likely the worst imaginable time and apparently my imagination was a bit active.

During my 10-week maternity leave I was home alone with my new baby and I was obsessed with constantly checking the support groups out of fear I would miss some pertinent information. My phone constantly dinged with notifications each time someone posted—which was all day, every day for a while. I was trying to bond with my new baby and physically and mentally recover from child birth, while trying to not lose my other baby.

I. Was. Exhausted. Fortunately, Marshall was with my mom during the day while my husband was at work, so he wasn’t neglected during this time. Every time Manning was sleeping I was on my laptop researching and reading anything and everything about food allergies in general, as well as information about the recall. I almost never slept and barely made time to eat or take care of myself during this time. It sent me down a pretty deep, lonely spiral for a while and it wasn’t an easy thing to crawl out of. Quite simply, it absolutely sucked.

So there ya go. Part two of two in regards to my intense introduction to the food allergy world. A bit of a gut punch and for some reason I couldn’t quite work in any 90’s sitcom quotes into this one. There is a poor half-attempt at a Pretty Woman quote early on, but that’s it. Bonus points if you spotted it.

Until next time friends…

*Before anyone jumps on me I am in no way downplaying intolerance/sensitivities, but rather trying to convey how I felt in the moment and also get the point across that there is a lot of misunderstanding of what a life-threatening food allergy actually is.

**FYI, ‘PN/TN’ stands for peanut/tree nut and ‘ANA’ stands for anaphylaxis in these groups.

***FYI, ‘comfort level’ basically refers to what you are comfortable eating/feeding your child in regards to companies labeling practices and if an allergen is present in the manufacturing facilities or not. There is a wide range of comfort levels in the allergy community. This is something I will explain in more depth in future posts.